It seems very cliché to say this but music did change my world and in many ways saved my life.
Growing up in a strong Catholic and conservative environment, I struggled to find ways to express my emotions and the turmoil I was feeling inside. As a kid, I was very flamboyant, attracted to things that were (because of societal constructs) made for girls; I loved dancing, singing, playing with dolls and hated playing football or any other sport with the ‘lads’.
My journey with music started very young, I used to have piano lessons at three years old and already then, that was my favourite part of the day as it represented a safe space for me to be myself.
Throughout my childhood, due to the ignorance and overall cruelty of uneducated kids, I was bullied and singled out mercilessly for my ability to stand out and be unapologetically myself; it’s always been a great quality of mine, a talent that caused quite the stir in every environment I found myself in.
Music gave a purpose to this talent and provided a tool, a way for me to channel this feeling of not belonging anywhere. I started singing lessons at eight years old as a way to fight potential nodules on my vocal folds, and realised immediately that this would be my career.
Those lessons were my therapy, a constant source of happiness in a world that was quite dark around me and also a way for me to explore my sexuality on a more unconscious level. I used to sing songs mainly by female pop stars such as Christina Aguilera, Whitney Houston, Amy Winehouse, Celine Dion and Lady Gaga, channelling my inner ‘diva’ even then.
“My self-expression is one of the most important things in my life. I couldn’t live without it.”
At eighteen years old, when faced with one of the biggest choices of a person’s life, I decided that music was going to be my companion and best friend for the rest of my life. The choice was to study medicine and leave music forever or choose something that would have allowed my musical career to exist. I had no doubt whatsoever, the possibility of a life without music seemed wrong and scary to me. My self-expression is one of the most important things in my life. I couldn’t live without it.
Only a year later, after a TV Show experience in Italy, I moved to London to study at BIMM Institute London and my life and relationship with music blossomed and developed to the person who’s sitting here, writing this article today.
Music was my only friend at that time. I changed countries from one week to another and besides one family member, I had no one in London. No friends, no one I knew. So, music represented my language, my most immediate and effective way of communicating my inner feelings with other people and my peers.
Soon enough though, music opened the getaway to something that changed my life forever: embracing my sexuality and discover my gender identity. How? You might ask. Well music puts you in touch with the deepest part of your true self. It has no filters. It connects you to those powerful and undiscovered aspects of your personality and unleashes their powers. Through the art of iconic people such as Bowie, Mercury, MJ and Prince I’ve realised that I liked men and that I identified outside the common binary system.
I’m very proud of my life choices and paths, music chose me and I promptly replied. Music is and will forever be my life.